Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
