my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
