Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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