someone threw a dead crab at me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
