ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
