I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
