Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I fill condoms, not promises.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
