I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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