PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
