So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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