Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
