I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
dude. I can hear the air.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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