Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
