if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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