Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
