is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
