in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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