Can i not drive my cunt home
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and she was petting her beer can
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
