If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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