Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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