The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
