i can't believe i had my finger in that
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
