If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
