So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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