I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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