Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
