i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
