There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
