She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
