True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
