the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
