R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Randomize
