I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ttyl tear gas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
