The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
