I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
