Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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