I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
