Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
