You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
