why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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