Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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