i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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