I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
