Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
