I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
