first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
