So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
