It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
