dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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