Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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