i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
